De-goatification Of Our Yam Eaters by Saint-Olawale Jimoh

"..and so to dinner with Nduka Obaigbena- Dinner features giant snails, shrimp, smoked chicken and lamb, washed down with pink champagne. Every 10 minutes, Nduka’s cell phone rings. Every 30 minutes, a giant fist pounds a silver bell to demand more champagne.."
-Kehinde H. Thompson
(Twelve Days in West Africa: Abuja-Lagos -FT.com)

Nduka Obaigbena the Chairman, Editor-in-Chief of THISDAY newspaper only received #670m from the immediate past National Security Adviser, Sambo Dasuki (out of the squandered $2.1b meant for procurement of arms for Nigerian army) as compensation for terrorist attacks on his Abuja and Kaduna offices. He sure had good times with his share of Dasuki's largesse except that you cannot eat Nigeria's yam without problem even though we have been told we cannot put a goat, yam and plantain together and say that the goat should not eat yam.
   Prof Adesanmi once warned our yam eaters to desist from eating because Karma had poisoned it with all manner of illnesses ranging from cancer to kwashiokor to coccidiosis. But goats are habitually stubborn animals. Their sole intention is to eat not minding the economic condition; efforts involved in producing a tuber and the future of the owner of the devoured yams.
   Unlike in other civilized climes, pot belly is one of the distinct features of a typical Nigerian yam eater. Someone once said he was wondering when heavily 'pregnant' Reuben Abati whose phones no longer ring would give birth. Dokpesi's pregnancy cannot be hidden no matter what he wears; even as tiny as Amechi might want to appear at times, the quantity of yam trapped in his abdominal region is enough to feed more than three small African countries.
Some have perfected the art of eating without traces while some are specialist in denying the obvious. The other day, one former Executive squandering more than #200b without 'signing a cheque!'

Those who claim to know Pius Ayim before Jonathan's regime expressed shock seeing the change that has taken place in him after working under President Goodluck. His neck has become so fat that turning it has since become a difficult task for this former Secretary to Government of the Federation (SGF). He probably had eaten more yams than he could contain that the excess spilled to his neck region.

By definition, we the people and the abundant wealth of our nation are the “yam”. We unleash the “goats” on our “yam” when we choose leaders with no clear-cut vision; who has no mission in public office than to loot the treasury dry. This has been left to continue over the years so much that more the 75 per cent of our collective wealth are under the control and custody of these people. In those days, when a thief gets caught, he would be held at his throat to confess or pay for his offence with his life. The case is different when someone eats more than he could stomach or over drunk. He would be laid to the ground with his belly pressed repeatedly to enable him vomit what he wrongfully took in. This is the best treatment our looters deserved. They must first be made to vomit whatever that has been stored inside of them illegally. This will discourage our intending yam eaters.